42 Funniest Caddyshack Quotes
When it comes to hilarious cocaine-fueled 80s comedies, Caddyshack is right up the top. Directed by the great Harold Ramis from a script by Brian Doyle-Murray, Douglas Kenney, and Ramis, the sports comedy revolves around a group of caddies, golfers, and club members at the exclusive Bushwood Country Club.
A non-stop laugh fest, the movie is a cult classic known for its memorable one-liners and Caddyshack quotes, over-the-top characters, and ludicrous humor. Then there is the all-star cast that includes Chevy Chase as golf pro Ty Webb, Bill Murray as the deranged groundsman Carl Spackler, Rodney Dangerfield as the uber-rich property developer Al Czervik, Brian Doyle-Murray as the head of Bushwood Country Club’s caddy shack Lou Loomis, Michael O’Keefe as teenage caddy Danny Noonan, Henry Wilcoxon as golfer Bishop Fred Pickering, and Ted Knight as the snooty club member Elihu Smails.
Although it was released to mixed reviews, Caddyshack soon found an audience on VHS and became a fan favorite. It’s now revered as one of the great sports comedies and remembered for kickstarting the career of Ramis (this was his first movie) and boosting Dangerfield’s, who was only known as a standup at the time of movie’s release.
Caddyshack contains some of the best one-liners and movie quotes in cinema history and we wanted to share our favorites with you. So read on below and have a good laugh and remember just how funny this film really is.
42 Funniest Caddyshack Quotes
1. “I’m going to give you a little advice. There’s a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball.” – Ty Webb
2. “Danny, I’m having a party this weekend. (Pause) How would you like to come over and mow my lawn?” – Elihu Smails
3. Danny Noonan: “I haven’t even told my father about the scholarship I didn’t get. I’m gonna end up working in a lumberyard for the rest of my life.” Ty Webb: “What’s wrong with lumber? I own two lumberyards.” Danny Noonan: “I notice you don’t spend too much time there.” Ty Webb: “I’m not quite sure where they are.”
4. “The last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.” – Al Czervik
5. “No one likes a tattletale, Danny… except, of course, me.” – Ty Webb
6. “Elihu, will you come loofah my stretch marks?” – Mrs. Smails
7. Judge Smails: “Ty, what did you shoot today?” Ty Webb: “Oh, Judge, I don’t keep score.” Judge Smails: “Then how do you measure yourself with other golfers?” Ty Webb: “By height.”
8. “Whoa, did somebody step on a duck?” – Al Czervik after farting
9. “We have a pool and a pond. A pond would be good for you.” – Ty Webb
10. Al Czervik: “Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh Looks at Judge Elihu Smails, who’s wearing the same hat. Al Czervik: “Oh, it looks good on you though.” *Rolls eyes*
11. “Thank you very little.” – Ty Webb
12. “Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must’ve been something before electricity.” – Al Czervik
13. Ty Webb: “You take drugs, Danny?” Danny Noonan: “Every day.” Ty Webb: “Good. Then what’s your problem?” Danny Noonan: “I don’t know.”
14. “He called me a baboon, he thinks I’m his wife.” – Al Czervik
15. “You’re rather attractive, for a beautiful girl with a great body.” – Ty Webb
16. Carl Spackler: “So I jump ship in Hong Kong and I make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas.” Angie D’Annunzio: “A looper?” Carl Spackler: “A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I’m a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking. So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one – big hitter, the Lama – long, into a ten-thousand-foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-lagunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice.”
17. Dr. Beeper: “I thought you’d be the man to beat this year.” Ty Webb: “I guess you’ll just have to keep beating yourself.”
18. Sandy McFiddish: “I want you to kill every gopher on the course!” Carl Spackler: “Check me if I’m wrong Sandy, but if I kill all the golfers, they’re gonna lock me up and throw away the key…” Sandy McFiddish: “Gophers, ya great git! Not golfers! The little brown furry rodents!” Carl Spackler: “We can do that… we don’t even have to have a reason.”
19. “Remember Danny – two wrongs don’t make a right, but three rights make a left.” – Ty Webb
20. “Hey, doll. Could you scare up another round for our table over here? And tell the cook this is low-grade dog food. I’ve had better food at the ballgame, you know? This steak still has marks from where the jockey was hitting it.” – Al Czervik
21. “The shortest distance between two points is a straight line in the complete and opposite direction.” – Ty Webb
22. “Hey, Smails! My dinghy’s bigger than your whole boat!” – Al Czervik
23. “Don’t be obsessed with your desires Danny. The Zen philosopher, Basho, once wrote, ‘A flute with no holes, is not a flute. A donut with no hole is a Danish.’ He was a funny guy.” – Ty Webb
24. Lacey Underall: “I bet you’ve got a lot of nice, ties.” Ty Webb: “How do you mean?” Lacey Underall: “Would you like to tie me up with some of your ties, Ty?”
25. “What an incredible Cinderella story. This unknown comes out of nowhere to lead the pack. At Augusta, he’s on his final hole. He’s about 455 yards away. He’s going to hit about a two iron, I think. Well, he got out of that. The crowd is standing on its feet, here at Augusta. The normally reserved Augusta crowd is going wild. For this young Cinderella who’s come out of nowhere, he’s got about 350 yards left. He’s going to hit about a five iron, l expect. Don’t you think? He’s got a beautiful backswing. That’s – oh! He got out of that one! He’s got to be pleased with that. The crowd is just on its feet here. He’s a Cinderella boy. Tears in his eyes, I guess, as he lines up this last shot. He’s got about 195 yards left, and he’s gonna – looks like he’s got about an eight iron. This crowd has gone deadly silent. Cinderella story. Out of nowhere. A former greenskeeper now about to become the Master’s champion. It looks like a miraculous – it’s in the hole! It’s in the hole!” – Carl Spackler
26. “Don’t sell yourself, short Judge, you’re a tremendous slouch.” – Ty Webb
27. “This is a hybrid. This is a cross, ah, of Bluegrass, Kentucky Bluegrass, Featherbed Bent, and Northern California Sensemilia. The amazing stuff about this is, that you can play 36 holes on it in the afternoon, take it home, and just get stoned to the bejeezus-belt that night on this stuff.” – Carl Spackler
28. “Just be the ball, be the ball, be the ball. You’re not being the ball, Danny.” – Ty Webb
29. Ty Webb: “This your place, Carl?” Carl Spackler: “Yeah, whattaya think?” Ty Webb: “It’s really… awful.” Carl Spackler: “Well, I got a lot of stuff on order. You know… credit trouble.”
30. “Hey, that kangaroo just took my ball.” – Al Czervik
31. “I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. But I have a beard, so I got that going for me, which is nice.” – Carl Spackler
32. Ty Webb: “Let me just clean this up here.” Picks up bow and arrow. Ty Webb: “Getting ready for the season.” Lacey Underall: “Duck?” Ty Webb: “No… dolphin.”
33. “Hey everybody, we’re all gonna get laid!” – Al Czervik
34. “Pay no attention to that bush, moving around over there by that tree, it’s just a bush. Nothing to look twice at. Nothing to be alarmed about. This looks like it could be gravy. I smell varmint poontang, and the only good varmint poontang is dead varmint poontang. Freeze gopher!” – Carl Spackler
35. “I hear this place is restricted, Wang, so don’t tell ’em you’re Jewish, okay?” Al Czervik to his Asian companion.
36. Danny Noonan: “I planned to go to law school after I graduated, but it looks like my folks won’t have enough money to put me through college.” Judge Smails: “Well, the world needs ditch diggers, too.” Lacey Underall: “Nice try.”
37. “With the market these days if you own anything but land you own a popcorn farm.” – Al Czervik
38. “Rats farts!” – Bishop Fred Pickering
39. “Country clubs and cemeteries are the biggest wasters of prime real estate!” – Al Czervik
40. “I’ve sentenced boys younger than you to the gas chamber. Didn’t want to do it. I felt I owed it to them.” – Judge Smails
41. “A member? You think I actually want to join this scumatorium? The only reason I’m here is because I might buy it!” – Al Czervik
42.” In the immortal words of Jean-Paul Sartre, ‘Au revoir, gopher.'” – Carl Spackler
See more about - 39 Hilarious Napoleon Dynamite Quotes