39 Hilarious Napoleon Dynamite Quotes
When it comes to cult classics, they don’t get much funnier than Napoleon Dynamite. Released in 2004, the hilarious flick stars Jon Heder as the title character, a nerdy 16-year-old high school student trying his best to navigate everyday life in the small town of Preston, Idaho.
When his grandma is injured in a quad-bike accident, Napoleon and his brother, the equally nerdy Kip Dynamite (Aaron Ruell), find themselves in the care of their uncle Rico Dynamite (a hilarious Jon Gries), who is still living off his past glories as a school athlete. Throw in subplots about Napoleon befriending Mexican student Pedro Sánchez (Efren Ramirez), who he helps try and become class president, and a romantic relationship with Deborah Bradshaw (Tina Majorino), and you have yourself a riotous comedy featuring great acting, memorable scenes, and classic Napoleon Dynamite quotes.
Written and directed by first-timer Jared Hess and based on his short film Peluca, Napoleon Dynamite was a surprise hit, making over $40 million at the box office and claiming several awards. The script is full of quotable lines, with the Dynamite brothers having some of the funniest dialogue in the movie, be it about Napoleon’s obsession with tater tots or Kip’s online dating progress. It also gave us that dancing scene with Dynamite performing some outrageous moves to “Canned Heat” by Jamiroquai.
Napoleon Dynamite is almost two decades old and still loved by film fans of all generations. It had a massive impact on the indie comedy scene when first released and is responsible for influencing similar quirky movies such as Hot Rod, Gentleman Broncos, and The Foot Fist Way. Awkward, weird, but above all funny, these Napoleon Dynamite quotes will have you laughing out loud while craving tater tots.
39 Hilarious Napoleon Dynamite Quotes
1. “I wish you would get out of my life and shut up!” – Napoleon Dynamite
2. “Napoleon, don’t be jealous that I’ve been chatting online with babes all day. Besides, we both know that I’m training to be a cage fighter.” – Kip Dynamite
3. “Worst day of my life, what do you think?” – Napoleon Dynamite
4. “How much do you want to bet I can throw this football over them mountains?” – Uncle Rico
5. “Can you bring me my Chapstick.” – Napoleon Dynamite
6. “If you vote for me, all of your wildest dreams will come true.” – Pedro Sánchez
7. “I mean, we chat online for like two hours every day, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.” – Kip Dynamite
8. Don: “Hey Napoleon. What did you do last summer again?” Napoleon Dynamite: “I told you! I spent it with my uncle in Alaska hunting wolverines!” Don: “Did you shoot any?” Napoleon Dynamite: “Yes, like 50 of ’em! They kept trying to attack my cousins, what the heck would you do in a situation like that?!” Don: “What kind of gun did you use?” Napoleon Dynamite: “A freaking’ 12- gauge, what do you think?!”
9. “I’m Rex, founder of the Rex Kwan Do self-defense system! After one week with me in my dojo, you’ll be prepared to defend yourself with the strength of a grizzly, the reflexes of a puma, and the wisdom of a man.” – Rex
10. “Who’s the one that knows illegal ninja moves from the government?” – Napoleon Dynamite
11. “Peace out.” – Kip Dynamite
12. Kid on the bus: “What are you going to do today, Napoleon?” Napoleon Dynamite: “Whatever I feel like I wanna do, Gosh!”
13. “Um, hello. Would you like to look like this?” – Deb Bradshaw
14. “I see you’re drinking 1%. Is that ’cause you think you’re fat? ‘Cause you’re not.” – Napoleon Dynamite
15. “Kay, hold still right there. Now, just imagine you’re weightless, in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by tiny little seahorses.” – Deb Bradshaw
16. “I caught you a delicious bass.” – Napoleon Dynamite
17. “Knock it off, Napoleon. Make yourself a dang quesadilla!” – Grandma
18. “At Rex Kwan Do, we use the buddy system. No more flying solo. You need somebody watching your back – at all times. Second off, you’re gonna learn to discipline your image. You think I got where I am today because I dressed like Peter Pan over here?” – Rex
19. “You gonna eat your tots?” – Napoleon Dynamite
20. “Why do you love me? Why do you need me? Always and forever. We met in a chat room. Now our love can fully bloom. Sure the world wide web is great. But you, you make me salivate. Yes, I love technology, but not as much as you, you see. But I still love technology, always and forever. Our love is like a flock of doves. Flying up to heaven above. Always and forever. Always and forever. Yes, our love is truly great. Always and forever. Why do you need me? Why do you love me? Always and forever.” – Kip Dynamite
21. “I don’t even have any good skills. You know, like nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills.” – Napoleon Dynamite
22. “You think anyone wants a roundhouse kick to the face while I’m wearing these bad boys?” – Rex
23. “It’s pretty much my favorite animal. It’s like a lion and a tiger mixed… Bred for its skills in magic.” – Napoleon Dynamite
24. “Your mom goes to college!” – Kip Dynamite
25. “Are you guys having a killer time?” – Napoleon Dynamite
26. “Pedro Sanchez: “Aren’t you pretty good at drawing, like, animals and warriors and stuff?” Napoleon Dynamite: “Yes. Probably the best that I know of.”
27. “Last off, my students will learn about self-respect. You think anybody thinks I’m a failure because I go home to Starla at night? Forget about it!” – Rex
28. “Tina you fat lard come get some dinner. Tina! Eat the food!” – Napoleon Dynamite
29. “If coach would have put me in fourth quarter, we’d have been state champions. No doubt. No doubt in my mind. You better believe things would have been different. I’d have gone pro in a heartbeat. I’d be making millions of dollars and living in a big ole mansion somewhere, you know, soaking it up in a hot tub with my soul mate.” – Uncle Rico
30. “Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills!” – Napoleon Dynamite
31. Pedro Sanchez: “Do you think people will vote for me?” Napoleon Dynamite: “Heck yes! I’d vote for you.” Pedro Sanchez: “Like what are my skills?” Napoleon Dynamite: “Well, you have a sweet bike. And you’re really good at hooking up with chicks. Plus you’re like the only guy at school who has a mustache.”
32. “You know, there’s, like, a boatload of gangs at this school. This one gang kept wanting me to join because I’m pretty good with a bo staff.” – Napoleon Dynamite
33. “Napoleon, you know we can’t afford the fun pack. What do you think money grows on trees in this family?” – Uncle Rico
34. “Sir Curt Godfrey of the Nessie Alliance summoned the help of Scotland’s local wizards…” – Napoleon Dynamite
35. “Napoleon, give me some of your tots!” – Randy
36. “So you guys are, like, Pedro’s cousins with all the sweet hookups?” – Napoleon Dynamite
37. “Then I realized that it was my hair that was making my head hot. So I went into my kitchen and I shaved it all off.” – Pedro Sanchez
38. “I like your sleeves. They’re real big.” – Napoleon Dynamite
39. Uncle Rico: “Kip, I reckon you know a lot about cyberspace. You ever come across anything like time travel? Kip Dynamite: “Easy, I’ve already looked into it for myself.” Uncle Rico: “Right on.”
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