Dating Your Best Friend: 8 Tips On How To Make It Work
When a platonic friendship turns into a sexual relationship, it can often blur the lines of what your relationship is. It could be a casual fling or something more serious. Whatever it develops into, there is no doubt dating your best friends comes with a number of challenges.
It can either go one of two ways. You end up in a long-term loving relationship that sees you get married and have kids, living the American dream. Or things take a turn for the worse and it ends in a messy breakup and you are forced to see your ex at every function organized by your friends for the next 40 years.
Before jumping in the deep end and letting your feelings be known, there are several things you should consider first. Below are a number of factors to think about before engaging in a relationship with your best friend, along with some tips to make the partnership work.
Are You Really That Interested?
Before you even mention you are keen on your best friend to anyone, you have to make sure you are 100% certain this is what you want. Once you cross that line and your friendship becomes an intimate relationship, there is no turning back. Take into account the change in the dynamic that will occur between you and your friend and how this will impact your friendship group. Make sure you are really interested in them as a person and it isn’t just physical attraction. This will only end in tears.
Dating expert and host of the millennial dating podcast We Met at Acne Lindsey Metselaar told The Washington Post, “You should make sure this person is someone that you would want to date regardless of your friendship. You should be positive that they have the qualities you would look for in a partner, and that you aren’t considering them just because of the history between you.” In other words, if they are everything you have ever wanted in a partner and tick all the boxes, then you should probably go for it. Just be prepared for things to go pear shaped if they don’t feel the same.
How Do You Approach Them?
So you are keen on your best friend and they fit the bill of a potential life partner. So what now? There are two approaches you can take. The first is to slowly start to spend more time with them outside of your friendship group and see if things organically happen. The more time you are together, the greater the feelings you have for your best friend will be reciprocated. The other approach and the one I recommend is to be direct. Don’t beat around the bush. Take your friend aside and let them know how you feel. Get everything off your chest and see how they react. It is much better to know where you stand than spending your time wondering if they like you and how they feel about you.
What If They Are Not Keen?
So you have finally worked up the courage to tell your best friend how you feel. You are nervous but excited about beginning a relationship with them. Then you tell them and they turn you down. This is sure to knock the wind out of your sails and send you on a bit of a downward spiral. Telling someone how you feel when you are not sure of their reaction is always. a big deal, but even more so when it is your best friend.
If you get rejected you have to take it in your stride and get on with things. Have an honest and open chat with your friend and reassure them that you understand why they made their decision and are happy to put it behind you so you can continue to be mates. The last thing you want is to lose your friendship. While it will certainly be hard at first, especially if they end up with someone else shortly thereafter, you have to act mature and not let your feelings get in the way of your friendship. It is going to be painful and take time, but eventually, you will get over them and meet someone who does appreciate you and wants to be with you.
10 Handy Tips for Dating Your Best Friend
So you have laid it all on the line and come up trumps. Your best friend feels the same as you and wants to give a relationship a go. Fantastic. So what now? While you might think it is an easy transition from friends to lovers, there are a few things you need to think about. You might want to ease into the relationship and get to know each other as lovers rather than friends1. Take Things Slow. To help you out, here are 10 tips to aid you in your new relationship.
1. Make Sure You Want the Same Thing
Just because your best friend has also revealed they have a crush on you doesn’t necessarily mean they want to spend eternity with you. They may be keen on getting jiggy with you but haven’t thought too much about entering an adult relationship with you. Be sure to clarify your expectations and what you want from the relationship. If you want to date and your best friend wants to fuck, it probably isn’t going to work.
“If one wants to have a casual relationship or FWB, and the other is falling in love, it will backfire,” dating coach Julia Spira told Elite Daily. “Make sure you’re on the same page, and it will help with the bumps on the road.”
It is much better to be clear about your expectations and what you expect from the relationship from the beginning, rather than find out six weeks later that things aren’t actually serious. It will save a lot of heartache.
2. Take It Slow
There is no need to rush into things. Even though you may have known each other for years as friends, being in a relationship is a whole new ball game. While you are both still the same people, you have to learn how each other acts in a relationship. Even if you have seen how your best friend has treated other partners in relationships, it is totally different now you are involved. You both need to build an emotional connection.
While jumping each other’s bones is probably high on your list of things to do together, maybe wait a couple of weeks. I know this might be hard, but it is much better to form an emotional bond first before you start getting freaky. You also don’t want to do anything silly like propose within the first few months. You need to learn as much about each other in a relationship as you can and experience things as a couple for a good six months before even entertaining those thoughts.
Of course, there are exceptions to the rule. There are stories of best friends hooking up and then getting married within a few months and all sorts of similarly wonderful stories. But there are just as many relationships that fizzle out and leave the friendship in tatters. So take things slow to begin with and see where it leads.
3. Don’t Get Ahead of Yourself
Be sure not to expect too much at the very beginning. If you set your expectations too high you will be massively let down if things don’t live up to them. Entering a new relationship with anyone, regardless of if you have been friends for years, throws up all sorts of obstacles you both have to get through together. It is going to take both of you time to adjust to each other’s eccentricities and habits. You will see a different side of them and you have to be prepared to work on your relationship. You are not magically going to live happily ever after without any problems. Your relationship will require you to both give it your all and be ready to face many challenges along the way.
4. Don’t Put Them on a Pedestal
You’ve been in love with your best friend for years and finally find out they feel the same. Amazing. Now you enter a relationship together and spend even more time with each other. This can quickly turn into a one-sided love affair when you put them on a pedestal. After being friends for so long and now finally getting the chance to be together, it can be easy to hold them in high regard and be blinded by your love for them. There might be several signs that show they are a different person when in a relationship, but because you are so into them and worship the ground they walk on, you ignore these warning signs. This can lead to all sorts of trouble in the future.
You need to treat your best friend with respect and make them a priority in your life while also making sure you aren’t oblivious to their shortcomings, or even your own. There could be some red flags you are ignoring because you have wanted to be with them for so long. You need to be equals who can talk about anything and everything and show each other the same amount of respect.
5. Honesty Is the Best Policy
As with any relationship, being honest is a must if you want things to succeed. This is especially paramount when dealing with a relationship with your best friend. The dynamic of your friendship has now changed and so too could the way your new partner now acts. These could be subtle things or major changes that have a great impact on you and the relationship. The only way to overcome these differences is to talk about them. Be open and honest about everything.
The good thing about this is that it is much easier being honest with a best friend as you already know them. You don’t have to spend the time getting to know who they are and what they are like. This way it is easier to sit down with them and talk about different aspects of your relationship.
6. Be Prepared for Some Backlash
Deciding to pursue a relationship with your best friend doesn’t just impact you. The ripple effect will be felt by your circle of friends as well as your respective families. While your friends will no doubt encourage you both to give things a go and celebrate your coupling, there may be one or two who think it is a bad idea. They are only thinking of you and what could happen if things don’t work out. Don’t take their opinion to heart, but think of it as them looking out for you. Respect what they have to say but let them know you have thought about all of the possibilities before embarking on the relationship. As long as you talk about things like adults and understand where they are coming from this shouldn’t be a big deal.
Your parents may also have a few raised eyebrows, especially if they have known your best friend for years or since you were kids. They will no doubt warn you about the negative side of entering a relationship with a friend, but as your parents, they only want what is best for you. If you are happy and in a loving relationship, they will no doubt give you their blessing and be happy to welcome your best friend into the family.
Almost everyone will be happy for you but just be prepared for that odd one or two people to not be convinced about your relationship.
7. Don’t Take Them for Granted
As you already have a relationship as friends before becoming romantically involved, it is easy to slide into a comfortable coupling where things don’t really change much. You might see each other more and are now having sex, but your relationship hasn’t really changed much. You don’t want to be taking them for granted. Talk with them about how being together makes them feel and what they want from the relationship. It isn’t going to work if you just do the same things you did when you were friends. Going to the pub once a week isn’t going to cut it. You have to treat them like a romantic partner and make sure they feel loved and wanted.
You already have the foundation for a relationship built, now it is time to grow and build a life together as a team. Work towards your goals and ambitions and share what you want from your time together. The world is your oyster.
8. Be Romantic
You are in an official relationship now so you should be treating your partner like a love interest. Following on from the point above, you don’t want to take them for granted. You need to show them how things have changed and there is no better way to display your affection than by planning date nights. Book dinner at your best friend’s favorite restaurant. Take them on a romantic weekend away. But it is not just going on dates that show you care. Small gestures like complimenting your partner or buying them flowers or small gifts show you care about them and are serious about your relationship.
Organize a candle-lit dinner or gift her some earrings to show you how much you care. These are ways you can be romantic and help strengthen the emotional connection between you both.
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