Conversation Starters With a Girl – How to Start from Ground Zero
For many men, there are only a few things on the planet more awkward than starting a conversation with a girl, especially if she is beautiful.
And you know what’s worse? Placing her on a pedestal!
Idolizing a woman doesn’t help your chances of thinking straight enough to start a conversation with her because it puts so much distance between both of you. Besides, she probably doesn’t find it attractive.
So, how do you start a conversation with a beautiful woman from scratch without feeling stupid or making a fool of yourself?
Use pick-up lines? That’s just lame!
Want to discover great conversation starters with a girl you admire? You’re in luck.
Let’s get this started.
Avoid These Mistakes
First, let get clear on what you need to avoid if you want to spark some fascinating discussions with a lady, even if you’re just meeting her for the very first time.
Talking Yourself Down
Cut yourself some slack. We all know that kicking off a solid conversation with the fairer sex can be nerve-wracking. It’s not peculiar to you alone. It’s not about being an introvert. Feeling awkward around women (especially attractive ones) happens to almost every man at some point in their lives, even those who are socially active and smooth with ladies.
If you talk yourself down, you automatically shut yourself up and freeze your brain. It’s like pressing the mute button on your inner inspiration, making it difficult for you to think of what to say even before you approach a girl you admire.
Many guys are worried stiff about something as simple as making eye contact with a woman. Add to that the pressure of trying to make a good first impression, plus wondering what to say and how to keep things rolling.
Phew! That’s just a lot!
The point is, don’t berate yourself even if you mess things up with a girl you like. The process of starting a conversation is difficult enough; there’s no need to add to the pressure.
Stop Thinking She is Flawless
She’s not. No one is!
She’s as human and imperfect, just like you and every other person. If you think of a girl as impenetrable, surreal, and almost non-human, there’s literally no way for you to find a meeting point where you can have something in common to talk about.
I mean, what would a frail, mere mortal say to an unaffected fairy-queen to hold her interest? Nothing, right?
Give up that idea because here’s the truth: you are both humans. And, no matter how slim, there’s a chance that the two of you can explore a potential connection, whether it is for a short while or something that lasts for a long time.
Don’t Take Questionable Advice
“Say something, just anything random.”
“Use a pick-up line.”
“Bring up your favorite TV show.”
Wait, what?
These are creepy pieces of advice, and you should pay no attention to them whatsoever!
Solid conversation starters with a girl you admire have nothing to do with these outdated prospects. For example, what do you do next when your well-memorized pick-up line fails to work on her? Walk away with your tails between your legs?
Okay, what if she gives you attention, what next? Your lines are finished, and so is the conversation! At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I’ll say it again: you don’t need pick-up lines!
Avoid Standard Questions (the Interview Mode)
Do you know the fastest way to kill the little spark of interest a lady might have for you? Ask her standard questions!
Here’s how to jeopardize your chances.
Start with something as uninteresting as, “Where are you from?” and follow it up with, “What do you do?”
Pretty soon, she’ll start to feel as if she’s in a job interview!
These questions are not only painfully boring, but they are also not genuine. You don’t really want to know where she’s from and what she does or does not do. At least, those are not the things on the top of your mind at first, so why bring them up first?
If you have a chance to start a conversation with a girl you like, don’t blow it up with the interview mode: you ask one thing; she answers. You ask something else; she gives you an answer. That’s not only lame but wasted effort.
It won’t be too long before you notice that she is losing interest.
And worse still, you don’t care about the answers, too. You genuinely want to talk with her, but you are not genuine about the things you are talking about or asking about. There’s a huge difference between the two, and it certainly can make all the difference!
Standard questions or the interview mode almost always leads to neediness. You will feel it coming through, and you can also be sure that she can feel it too. And that could be a deal-breaker.
If you must ask questions, go deep and find something you really want to know about her. In case you are looking for inspiration, I’ve outlined over 100 best questions to ask a girl you like. These are deep conversation starters with a girl, so don’t use them carelessly.
Do away with the idea that killer conversation starters with a girl need to begin with dull, generic, and a bunch of meaningless back and forth questions (that you usually don’t care about).
You’ve got only so much time to put your best foot forward. Instead of wasting it on boring and directionless chatter that can potentially turn her off, be sincere and say things that you mean.
Don’t worry if you don’t know what to say. I’ll get to that in a bit. But for the love of Mike, stop asking her standard questions! They can only get you so far.
Constantly Taking Without Offering
Take a minute to picture this:
You’re back from a hectic day at work feeling all exhausted, but your nosy neighbor keeps poking you with questions that clearly they don’t care what answers you give. They are just trying to make endless small talks.
Annoying, right?
That’s how it feels when someone is only interested in taking instead of also giving or offering.
Think about it: asking a girl a bunch of questions in the name of conversation starters when you are not in the least interested in her answer is annoying and disrespectful. It won’t lead to a deeper conversation.
It doesn’t matter if you are using open-ended questions; if you are only trying to make small talks without any interest in her answers, you are taking from her – draining her!
For example, if you ask a girl, “What do you do on weekends?” You are putting her in a position where she’s going to offer you something. Don’t do that if you don’t care about what she does on weekends. She will sense your disinterest quickly and pull away from you.
Instead of taking from her, ask questions that show that you want to offer to her, too!
Using One-Word Conversation Starters is a No-No
Similar to the bad advice that says, “Say something, just anything random,” avoid using tired words like “Hey!”
For example:
Self-conscious you: “Hey!”
Gorgeous self-confident girl: “Hi.”
What next?
A loud silence!
That’s right, nothing more – nada!
That’s as far as the conversation goes, and just like that, a potentially beautiful conversation that could have led to a long-lasting relationship is over even before it starts.
The best you can hope for is to be relegated to the friend zone. And by the way, if you think a girl has friend-zoned you, there’s a way out, and you can find it here.
Here’s the thing, even if you muster enough courage to say something else after a weak “hey,” ladies generally perceive that as a sign of hesitation and lack of confidence, especially if you pause after the initial greeting.
When you opt for one-word conversation starters with a girl you think might like you, what she hears is this:
“I want to talk with you, but I’m not sure I know how to begin. Could you take the lead, please?”
Okay, maybe not exactly that, and perhaps she won’t think that way all the time, but you get the point. Only use one-word if you have superb follow-ups.
And how exactly do you do that?
How do you eliminate the deafening and awkward silence when you are with someone you really want to start a conversation with? How do you stop drawing a blank when you are face to face with a gorgeous girl? How do you unfreeze your brain after the initial “hey!”?
You’re about to find out the answers to all of these and many more.
So, buckle up because you are going to learn some of the best ways to start a conversation from ground zero, and chat up that sweet cutie even if you think she is the most beautiful being you’ve ever set your eyes on.
How to Start a Conversation with a Woman (no matter how attractive she is)
I’ll need you to pay close attention here because this is the crux of the matter.
Genuine conversation starters with a girl fit within one of these three categories:
- What you notice about the environment
- Something about her
- Something about yourself
These are not difficult stuff – they are definitely not rocket science. But you need to learn them and frequently practice to master them.
Talk About Things You Notice in Your Environment
Why go through the stress of memorizing some cheesy and insincere lines when there are lots of things you can say just by noticing things in the environment around you?
Solid conversation starters with a girl begin with knowing what to say in any given situation. In other words, your environment offers you many things to talk about without zero memorization.
Begin by pointing out something about the environment. This is the safest and least vulnerable topic you can use to kick off an interesting, natural, and relevant conversation.
Some of the things you can talk about in the environment include:
The Venue
The venue might be a favorite place where you visit regularly, or you’ve only been there for the first time. If there’s an attractive woman there and you want to start off a conversation, first ask yourself if you’ve been there before and whether you’ve seen her before.
Next, start a conversation based on your answer like this:
- If you’ve been there and have seen her before, you could say, “I’ve seen you here a couple of times, but I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m …” and go ahead and introduce yourself.
- If you’ve been there but have never seen her, say something along the lines of, “I come here frequently, but I don’t believe I’ve seen you around. Are you new here / is this your first time?”
- If you’ve not been there, you could start by saying, “It’s my first time here. Is this your first time, too, or you’ve been here before?”
The Environment
Solid conversation starters with a girl you find attractive could be by simply pointing out something you observe and like in the environment.
You could talk about the music playing in the background, the great weather, the hostess or host at a party, your drink or hers, or any other thing that catches your interest.
In other to keep things positive, only talk about things you like in the environment. Avoid being critical about others in the environment or some other thing you dislike.
You want to put her in a generally good mood, and not make her upset.
Pro tip: While talking about things you like in the environment is a good way to set a positive tone for a smooth conversation, make sure that you are talking about things that you are genuinely interested in. If not, it could easily slip into a generic conversation that is boring and has no bearing.
If there’s one thing you should never forget, it is this: these conversation starters with a girl are supposed to flow naturally, so do not memorize the exact words like a formula.
Keep in mind that your vibe speaks more than any words you could ever say.
Read that again!
Just in case you didn’t fully grasp the depth of what that means, I’ll get to it in a moment.
Talk About Her
Now, this is a bit tricky and requires more boldness than talking about the environment.
But you can’t spend all day talking about the environment when you are with a lady, right? Heck, there’s a reason you came to her, and it is definitely not to discuss the environment!
The quickest way to kick off a conversation about her is by offering her a compliment. It is the most natural thing to do because there has to be something about her that attracted you.
What was that thing?
Tell her!
But, hold on a sec.
When I said you should compliment her, I do not mean you should praise or say something nice about her physical attributes directly. You will be sending a wrong signal from the beginning if you do that. Stay far away from that, especially if you are just meeting her.
Your best bet? Compliment her on something that shows her value, style, or something that she has obviously put in a lot of effort.
For example, you could compliment something nice, kind, or humane that you just saw her do. If you witnessed her hold the door for an elderly person, you could use that as a conversation starter and say, “Wow! That’s a rare sight these days. It was really kind of you.”
You can also compliment her beautiful dress, hair, shoes, or mention how she carries herself – her vibe.
Pro tip: When you give a girl a compliment, keep it short. Don’t overdo it. Complimenting everything she does will only make you sound insincere.
Although giving compliments to a girl you like can make you vulnerable, it is a more natural way to start up a conversation and even take things to a bit further to increase the chances of sparking an attraction.
Once the compliment is over and done with, you can switch between talking about the environment, yourself, and her.
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Talk About Yourself
Starting a conversation by talking about yourself can also feel awkward, but not as talking about something you like about a girl you like.
Talking about you doesn’t mean being cocky or making everything about you. Instead, it goes to the core of offering yourself or putting yourself out there to see if a woman will find you interesting.
Vulnerable, right?
Yes, it is, but if you’re scared to death of being vulnerable, you can as well forget about starting a conversation with people you don’t already know.
Be confident, but don’t be overconfident or arrogant. You can mention something recent (and relevant) in your life or something fun that you are currently doing.
Always keep the topics about yourself brief unless a girl shows interest and asks you specific questions.
Your Vibe is Important
Here’s a secret that many guys don’t know.
Long before you open your mouth to start a conversation, a woman can read you loud and clear!
In many cases, she sees you before you even notice her, and she calls out to you several times (intentionally or unintentionally) before you even see her.
If a girl is talking to you, there’s something about your vibe that makes her want to experience you. And if it sounds strange to you that a woman would want to “experience” you, consider this:
What do you think makes you feel enriched when you are around a woman you find interesting? You are enjoying her vibe or the way she is coming across, regardless of her physical attractiveness.
In other words, you are experiencing her, and by being herself, she is giving you an experience you find pleasurable.
That’s exactly what happens when you go to approach a woman. She experiences you way beyond the words you speak.
This is why pick-up lines don’t have any meaningful impact on women because most of the time, they can read your vibe and know if your words are not conveying your intentions.
Solid conversation starters with a girl go beyond putting together a string of words. It shows in how you come across. Never forget that.
A Quick Word for the Introverted Guy
Here’s the truth:
Not every man out there can think on their feet when it comes to starting a fun conversation with a girl, particularly introverts and socially inept guys.
It’s even worse if an introvert is attracted to a beautiful girl. Posing the right conversation questions on the spot without any form of preparation might be close to impossible.
So, I get it if all of this talk about being genuine and not memorizing lines seem a bit farfetched or even outrightly overwhelming for you as an introvert.
Being prepared is the best way for introverts to maintain their composure when they approach someone they like. And that is okay. In fact, it is a sign of strength and not a weakness.
There are many women out there that would like to share in the compelling story that you are! Yes, introverts are a bundle of interesting stories because their lives are a closed book, and only a privileged few will ever get to read it.
Remember the previous section about your vibes? Never lose sight of that!
For introverts, a good way to get a great conversation started is to use questions (not standard ones). When you ask questions, always remember to make it about something you want to know and not just to make small talks.
Heck, small talks are really not your strong point as an introvert, so avoid it.
Instead of asking her, “what’s your favorite food,” make it more interesting by asking her something like, “Hot dog or Hamburger, which do you prefer?”
Turn it into a little game and spend about 10 minutes or so asking her “this or that” conversation questions, instead of boring standard questions.
Don’t know many “this or that” questions? Not to worry.
Check out these interesting “this or that” questions that can be interesting conversation starters with a girl.
So, introvert or not, if you need to prepare before approaching a girl (so you don’t feel awkward), you can use some preparation.
But don’t stop at memorizing; instead, get creative!